Lately I've Been Feeling
by i.anachronism
Summary: BF, Songfic to 12 Stones song The Way I Feel. Read to find out. R


**Disclaimer:**I do not own BtVS and the song is 12 stones.

**A/N:** This is another request peice, requsted by SinisterSlayer.

* * *

**Lately I've been wandering**  
**Off the narrow path **

_I dusted the vampire, the feeling of his death staining my hands. I gasp as I pull back. What has death done to me? What has heaven made me become? The answers to these questions cannot be answered by any mortal. I sighed and pick of the rest of my stakes. I slowly make my way home, stopping by the cemetery. _

"_Hey mom," I sigh, sitting down by her grave. "I wish you were here, I'm so confused about everything right now. You see mom, I died, yeah. Your baby died, and I went to heaven, and when I was brought back, I thought I was in hell. There was fire and demons everywhere, and I just don't know how to deal. And then there's this person I like, but she's girl, and I never thought myself to be Lesbian, or even Bi. I don't know what to mom, I need you," I sob. _

"_Buffy?" I heard someone ask softly. I jumped slightly as I looked up. _

"_Oh, Hey Faith."_

"_B, you ok?" She asked sitting down next to me. _

"_Yeah, I'm ok. Or, I'll be alright," I say slowly._

"_Are you sure?" She asks putting her arms around me. _

_I snuggle into her chest, letting my tears fall on her oh-so-perfect shoulder. _

"_I am now," I sniff. She chuckles slightly. "I am to B, I am to."_

**  
You've given me so many things that I've never had  
And all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through  
If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true  
**

_I remember waking up by her side, in my bed. _

"_Faith?" I ask jumping out of my bed. _

"_Oh, hey B."_

"_How are you out of prison?" I asked confusedly._

"_You needed me, so I came," she sighed sitting up, and tiredly rubbing her eyes as she yawned. _

"_But….How?" I ask again. _

"_My lawyer worked some things out, and I'm out for good," She smiled. _

_I sat back down on the bed, letting the realization hit me. Faith was back, and she was back for good. _

"_Faith, I'm……I'm…" I try to say as I feel tears of happiness well up in my eyes. "I'm so glad your back," I finally cry, throwing myself back into her arms. She smiled, and started stroking my hair. "I'm glad I'm back to, I missed you so much," I hear her cry. _

_I sit up, and wipe away the tears. "No more tears, from either of us, ok?" I say commandingly. "Ok," She agrees wetly. Wiping away the last of her tears. _

_I watch her fall back asleep, listening to the steadiness of her breathing, and the peaceful look on her face. _

"_I love you Faith," I whisper, gently pressing my lips against hers. She kisses back without even realizing it. _

"_Buffy," She moans softly. I pull back staring at her in shock. "Oh my god."_

**  
'Cause I hate the way I feel tonight  
And I know I need you in my life **

That was so long ago, maybe to long ago. Seeing as the memories fading, and her face is becoming fuzzy.

As I stare at the ring on my finger, I wish it could've been her that I married. I mean Angel's great and all, but I don't have the same feeling with him, that I did with Faith. I mean Faith was so passionate, so perfect, she was everything I needed, and I let her go.

"_Faith………" I started gently, looking down. "Yeah B?" She asked, stopping what she was doing. "I……I……I think I love you," I whispered almost inaudibly. "What was that B, I didn't quite catch it?"_

"_I love you Faith!" I practically yell, not caring who heard, or what they thought of me. _

"_I love you to B, I always will," She said taking me into her arms, and kissing the top of my head gently. "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now," She sighed as she let me go, And ran a hand through her hair. _

"_It's ok Faith, I understand," I whispered sadly, nodding my head gently. "B, you gunna be ok?" She asked, lifting my head so I was looking in her eyes. _

"_Yeah, It won't be today, and it won't be tomorrow, but eventually, I'll be better," I cry running out my front door. She looked at me sadly, wishing she had said something else. _

_Hey B,_

_I had to leave, I hope you understand. _

_Angel loves you, go back to him, you guys are meant to be._

_I'm sorry that things can't be different. But you have things you want to do in your life, and I have things I want to do in my life, and we're just not meant to be at this time. Maybe in another life._

_But no matter what, I love you forever and ever. _

_Love Faith. _

_I stared at the note, reading it over and over. _

"_What have I done?" I sobbed, "What have I done?"_

**  
Yes I hate the way I feel inside  
And I promise to make the sacrifice  
Come on.**

I light my cigarette, a habit I picked up from you, and smoked it almost lovingly, and if it was you. Looks like I never truly got over you, now did I?

"_Do you Liam Angelus Williams take Elisabeth Anne Summers to be your lawfully wedded wife?"_

"_I do," Angel answered, looking at me lovingly. _

"_And do you Elisabeth Anne Summers take Liam Angelus Williams to be your lawfully wedded husband?"_

_I smiled sadly, and looked for you in the crowd. I didn't see you anywhere. _

"_I………I do," I said just as you walked in. _

"_You may now kiss the bride." _

_Angel pressed his lips against mine softly, as I watched the disappointment clearly shine through on your face. You left before the reception._

That was the last time I saw you, and that was three or four years ago.

"Hey, Buffy, there's someone here to see you," Angel called from inside our house.

"Ok, I'm coming," I call back, picking myself up off the sand. I walk back into my house, expecting to see Willow or Xander.

"Faith?" I ask slowly, "Is it really you?"

"Yeah B, I've come to make amends," she looked down, and started fidgeting.

"It's kinda late for that," I say coldly.

"Please B, give me another chance," She begged, tears running down her face.

"No, I'm with Angel……." I cut myself off, and ran towards her, pulling her into my arms, and stroking her hair.

"Shhh…….Faith, just let go, I'm sorry, but I'm taken now, and I regret it," I cry along with her, my tears mixing with hers as they stain the carpet.

"Are you guys ok?" Angel asks walking in. He gasps in surprise, and drops the tray of tea he was carrying. "I guess you guys finally are," He smiles, drops his wedding ring on the table by the couch, and goes upstairs. A couple minutes later, I hear the door shut.

"He's gone Faith, He's gone, and it's all because of me," I sob.

"Shh….B, I love you, and he left because he knows, your guys marriage wasn't real," She smiled when I looked up at her, wiping the tears.

**  
The world I know is pulling me  
More and more each day **

_This is what broken beauty looks like; this is what life looks like from another's eyes. This is hell at its best, and I'm living it, day by day. _

"_I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm and I was loved and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven," I confessed to Spike, tears forming in my eyes. _**  
"**_And now I'm not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friends. Everything here is ... hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ... knowing what I've lost_..._" I said softly, "They can never know, never."_

**  
I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray  
Spiteful eyes are watching me **

_So this is what's become of my life, isn't it? I'm meant to live a lie, wishing, wanting hoping. Faith, I need you, want you, I love you Faith. _

I feel perfect with Faith; she gives me everything that Angel could not. When I'm with her my life is passionate, and beautiful, and for once, I don't mind that I was ripped out of heaven so long ago. My time will come, and then I can stay there, forever. But I will wait; I wouldn't want to be leaving to soon, not with Faith here.

"Hey B, what cha doing?" Faith asked as she walked into my room.

"Oh, just writing in my journal," I said distantly.

"Let me see," She smirked grabbing it out of my hands.

"Hey!" I yelled tersely.

"I feel perfect with Faith; she gives me everything that Angel could not. When I'm with her my life is passionate, and beautiful, and for once, I don't mind that I was ripped out of heaven so long ago. My time will come, and then I can stay there, forever. But I will wait; I wouldn't want to be leaving to soon, not with Faith here…..Aww, You love me B," She smiles, handing the journal back.

I glare at her.

"You don't hate me do you?" She asked pouting. I laughed, and hit her over the head with my book. She grabbed my arm, and brought me close to her face. "I could never hate you," I replied kissing her.

**  
With everything I do  
In the midst of darkness Lord  
My spirit calls for You **

"I didn't think so," She said after I pulled back.

I looked at her. God I loved the way she smiled. Her eyes lost their sparkle for a second. "Faith?" I asked worriedly. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing B, don't worry about" She said, smiling again to try to lighten the mood. I placed my arms around her, softly resting my chin in the crook of her neck. I kissed her forehead, letting my actions speak for me. She nodded, and left the room.

I cried, letting the tears finally flow freely from my cheeks.

This is what it all comes down to, isn't it Faith?

**  
'Cause I hate the way I feel tonight  
And I know I need you in my life **

Faith,

My dear wife,  
Words cannot express how much I am going to miss you. This was something hard for me to do, especially with what's been going on lately, but it has to be done.  
I'm going back to Sunnydale, I have a feeling that they need my help, I want you to stay here, do what you need to do, just don't come and die for me.  
I want you to know that I'm happy I met you, you were the best thing in my life, even if I never acted like it.  
I'm going to miss you darling, you and your kisses.

I love you.

With as much love as exists,

Buffy.

I cried as I placed our wedding ring on top of the letter.

"This is what it all comes down to, isn't it Faith?" I asked her sleeping form.

I packed my bags quietly, and left as quickly as I had come.

**  
Yes I hate the way I feel inside  
And I promise to make the sacrifice**

Faith's P.O.V

I will always remember Buffy, even though she's now long gone. The day I found out about her death brought back the best and worst memories of her. But I think the one that really hit me was the diary entry she wrote. She promised me she wouldn't die, and now it's too late.

_**Elisabeth-Buffy-Anne Summers-LeHane.  
1981-2003  
Wife  
Friend  
Confidante  
Sister  
Daughter  
Hero of the People  
RIP**_

"This is what it all comes down to, isn't it Buffy?"_**  
**_


End file.
